I feel so lost and tired....wad's with me this week...im juz so frustrated....I have commitments..many.... what are they...u might ask?...well they are my ccas... currently i have 2 internal CCA n 1 external CCA.....they are Outward Bounders, Floorball and the external one is my secondary CCA which is St John Ambulance Brigade where im an external instructor...it may loook like i can handle all 3...thats wad i tot as well when i took up OB n Floorball....that is.... until recently....i find myself being so tired every week...n not to mention..i've been skipping floorball training on tuesdays..but going to the thursday ones.. ...cuz tuesday is physical training and the next day i would b tired n nt b able to realli concentrate on what im doing.....its nt that i cant take the training...i can handle the rigorous nature...but its just that im sort of lazy to go nw...n also the fact that whenever i go for floorball training..i see the same old thing...many ppl but all in their own cliques...alot of cliques actualli...i mean...if this was in week 2 or 3...i can understand..but its alrdy wk 12..n i still see many ppl..who form their own cliques within the cca...i mean they should organise some ice-breaking games to allow us to know each other better...n noe more ppl.... right nw i oni hv 2 friends in the cca..Gabriel and Joseph....cuz during training we dun realli hv the time to like talk to everi1 there...n the seniors arent anyting like OB...in OB its like the first training...the seniors n comm members wld go arnd shaking everibody's hand n introduce themselves...Im nt saying floorball training isnt fun...the fun part is when we play a match or practise our shooting drills..i like that...but i juz wish everi1 would show some initiative and talk to everi1 ...instead of juz talking to their own friends...its like making me feel veri foreign when i go for floorball training...n when gabriel n joseph cant make it for floorball training...den i wld most likely...nt go for training..cuz it will b damn lonely there...hate that...seriously.... well..enuf of floorball...nw my external CCA...st john ambulance brigade....i actualli didnt want to continue after graduation from secondary...but den me n my sec skool frens felt that we shld continue n b instructors so that we can teach the juniors...initially it was fun...we cld do things that we couldnt do when we were still juniors or cadets...but its like im so busy...n i dun hv the time to go for training everi fridae...cuz my class ends late...n after dat i have OB training......n nw we r in charge of selecting n training the cadets for this year's footdrill competition..its nt easy to train at all...esp when sum of ur cadets r giving u their fucked-up attitude everi training and they dun listen to you when u try to talk to them nicely n correct their mistakes...WTF!!!!! wads up wif secondary school students nowadays...i noe i was one.nt so long ago...but at least i listen to my seniors.... n nw we hv to go for this year's Advance NCO course as instructor / platoon sergeants...during nov/dec..... it was a rare chance so me n my frens terence,leon n chin guan decided to give it a try.... n nw i cant go for this fridae's OB meeting...cuz we hv a meeting for the nco course on fridae as well..n attendance is compulsory....sianz...... As for OB....i realli love this CCA!!!...it realli help me immerse my self into poly life...n adapt to it....whatever happens...i WON'T give up this CCA...REALLI!!!...its like one big family whenever i go for OB training...n dat is the reason why i look forward to fridaes......n now the bond between us is stronger...dats wad im talking abt...bonding sessions r definetely top of the agenda if i am in the committee next year....its like when u go for OB training...u noe everyone...n everyone noes u...its the oni cca which realli allows me to feel comfortable wif wad im doing,wif myself and dun feel any stress at all...i mean....for me....its rare to find such a wonderful CCA...
i realli dunnoe wad to do..wad to give up...So lost..helpless...Am i the one who got my self in this mess???